Why I won’t stop talking about my miscarriages
In 2014 my husband and I lost 3 babies to miscarriage. Twins
at 4 months and another baby at 8 weeks later that year. If you are even
vaguely familiar with me, I am sure you already knew that. By 2016 we had
already had our two beautiful rainbows and I suppose the expectation was that
life was now good and that we were all done mourning and talking about our
miscarriages. And maybe that is an opinion that you, dear reader, also share.
However, the truth is that I will never stop speaking about it. Not because I need a constant audience or I am still wallowing in self pity but I believe that there are benefits to making miscarriage and women's health issues a part of open and honest discussion. So here are just a few reasons why I would never stop talking about my miscarriages.
1. . It happened
Just like years after my wedding day I still laugh at all
the things that went wrong and all the funny things guests did or said. Just
like years after my father died, I still remember him and speak about him. And
just like I will always share the incredible story of how a midwife saved my
daughter’s life, I will keep talking about my miscarriages because they
represent a significant and life altering event in my life.
2. We need to talk about it
Miscarriages occur in approximately 1 out of 4 pregnancies,
which is significant. This has huge implications regarding women’s physical health
issues as well our mental and emotion health. Hundreds of thousands of women
have miscarriages every year, yet many of those women do not speak about it or
seek support to heal from the fallout of the loss. And this is why I will keep
speaking about it. We need to understand that a miscarriage is not a scarlet
letter etched on our wombs. It is not a family shame to be shrouded in secrecy
and misinformation and most importantly, it is not a female burden to be
carried alone. The more we talk, the less stigma needs to be attached to our
already grieving hearts.
3. Healing words
My miscarriage occurred shortly after I had made my 1st
pregnancy “Facebook official”. There had been happy pictures and hopeful post
about motherhood, and then my world came crashing down. I had so quickly shared
my joy that I felt foolish and ashamed, like I had failed. But the decision to
be public with my miscarriage allowed me to take ownership of when and how my
story was told. I didn’t want people gossiping about my health or why I lost
those babies. Instead I wanted them to know that miscarriages happen. And it
happen to happen to me. I was 1 in 4 and should anyone else find themselves 1
in 4 I wanted every word I said to bring encouragement to someone somewhere.
4. A million voices
I am one person, but I lent my voice to a much bigger
conversation. A conversation championed by other women before me, who decided
for themselves to share their story. So
my one voice joins others and as more and more voices are added to the conversation
we can create meaning and impact that change the way women view themselves and
their bodies. Women talking about their miscarriages can have implications on
healthcare and support for women in similar situations. And that’s a positive
step for everyone.
5. I’m alive
I keep speaking because I survived. Many women enter
hospitals to give birth and never leave. I may never be able to tell their
story, but I can tell mine. I can talk, I can question and I can encourage
others to do the same. My miscarriages were the absolute worst experiences of
my life but they did not kill me. I am stronger because of them, I am more
loving and appreciative because of them. And just as I remember and celebrate
my children (born and unborn), I will continue to speak up to remember and
celebrate that I am alive and I must use my times wisely while I am here.
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